Dark Blue
by Darling Pretty
Summary: "Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?" Alex is always around when Addison is at her loneliest. Addison/Alex, oneshot.


**Hi, so this is a oneshot I've had in my head for about three years now... It's based on one of my FAVORITE songs of all time, "Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin. (Seriously, do me a favor and go listen to this song. It's ridiculously catchy and amazing.) Well, that's about all I have to say, so I hope you enjoy it!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Addison dons her navy blue scrubs, sighing. She tugs her shirt down self-consciously. Just another symbol of how much she is willing to give up for her husband. She shoves all of her thoughts into the back of her mind. She tells herself that this _isn't _about Derek, that she's just trying to fit in at Seattle Grace. And if she's just trying to fit in, then she's not changing things about herself to get the guy. And if that's not true, then her feelings of embarrassment and shame are ludicrous and slightly stupid.

Except that little corner where she's trying to shove all the thoughts keeps whispering that Derek is the _only _thing it's about. She's conforming to Seattle's scrubs to send Derek a message—I'm here, I'm not leaving, and I will do whatever it takes to get you back fully. Addison has never done anything quite so covertly desperate and pathetic as donning a pair of dark blue scrubs. She studies herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath to calm the queasiness that suddenly overtakes her.

She misses the salmon scrubs.

0ooo0

"Hey," she says with a soft smile, coming up behind her husband.

"Hey," he replies, looking up from his Blackberry.

She doesn't even think about the fact that she smoothes her scrubs, hoping to draw attention to them. If she thought about it, she would hate herself. "What do you have on tap today?"

"Surgery in an hour," he replies. "You?"

"Surgery in fifteen minutes," she answers.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll see you tonight?" He starts to walk away.

"Wait," she blurts out, wincing at the shrill neediness in her voice. "Do you want to get some coffee or something after your surgery or something?"

Derek winces. "Actually, I have a couple of things I'm supposed to be doing. But I'll see you at home, right?"

_Don't be so sure_, Addison thinks spitefully before realizing this is diametrically opposed to the scrubs she is wearing. "Yeah, see you at home," she says, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"Bye," he says as he goes to turn down a different corridor. He pecks her cheek and is gone before she can reply.

He never says anything about her scrubs.

0ooo0

"Karev," Addison barks, striding down the hallway. She's so thankful to have the arrogant, cocky intern on her service today. She needs _someone _to take all of her frustrations out on and he's the perfect candidate. "Do I need to send you a formal invitation to join me in the OR? Believe me, just because you're on my service doesn't mean I can't easily find another intern who is dying to take your place. I suggest you get your act together."

He looks up angrily. She can tell he's about to say something snarky and arrogant because snarky and arrogant is the sum of their interaction. But before he can say anything, she sees a flash of confusion in his eyes and he blurts, "You changed scrubs."

Addison stares at him for a minute. How is it that the _one _man she absolutely hates notices her scrubs, while the man she's been married to for eleven years doesn't even think something has changed? How is that fair? "I did," she finally replies loftily, trying to hide her frustration.

"Why?"

She grits her teeth. "Because I'm officially staying in Seattle, Karev. Not that it's any of your business."

"So you and Shepherd are trying to make it work," Alex puts together.

Addison takes a deep breath and draws herself up, crossing her arms defensively. "We are. Now butt out of my personal life and go prep Mrs. Lawson for surgery."

He rolls his eyes at her change in subject. "Shepherd's an ass," he announces.

"_Now_, Karev."

He gets up from his seat and for just one second is way too close for an intern to ever be to a married attending. "I liked the pink ones better," he informs her and leaves.

"They're salmon!" Addison calls after him. When he's out of sight, she closes her eyes, trying to get her temperature back to normal. Encounters with Alex Karev always leaves her flustered.

0ooo0

Addison gets used to the dark blue scrubs as the months wear on. She no longer feels the same burning shame every time she puts them on. And then Christmas. She loves Christmas. Or at least, she used to. This year though, that's hard. This year Derek takes a shotgun to Christmas.

Sure, she knew that Meredith meant something to him. She'd actually _prefer _that Meredith mean something to him, that she hadn't been replaced by some frivolous fling. But to hear that her husband was in love with another woman (was because he assured her he was trying to get over it and she wants to believe him), that just plain hurts. Addison feels like all of the wind is knocked out of her lungs and she spends the rest of the Christmas season trying to feel like she can breathe again.

And the worst part is that she feels lonely. She's not alone! She and Derek still live together. They still act like a couple. They live together, they eat together, they sleep together. He does everything she criticized him for not doing back in New York. He's there.

But she gets this sense that he's now just there physically. It's an improvement over New York, to be sure. But to have him be physically present and mentally a thousand miles away (or maybe only a few, back at the Grey residence), that's torture. If she thought Derek were possible of this level of deceit and cruelty, she'd think he was doing this just to make her come out the bad guy. She knows that's not true, but it still hurts when _everything _feels like it comes down to Meredith Grey.

She's in a foul mood on December 26. Not only was Christmas nothing like the incredibly bonding experience she had been hoping for, she has to work.

And who should be there with a snarky comment and infuriating smirk?

She could shoot him. She could really, really shoot him. If someone were to put a gun in her hand at this very second, she wouldn't trust herself to not put a bullet in his thigh or something (she'd be aiming at his heart or head, but she has a feeling she'd be a notoriously bad shot).

"You know what, Karev?" she snaps. "Congratulations. You're off my service. Go find Bailey. Go to the pit. I don't care. Just get out of my sight."

"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you today? You'd think you'd be happier, the way you've been shoving Christmas down everyone's throats."

"Leave," she growls.

For once in his miserable, pathetic life, Alex Karev does as he's told. For about three hours. And then he shows back up. "Karev," she says, taking a deep breath to steady her temper. "I thought I told you to get out of my sight."

"I _was_ out of your sight, until I heard about the dragon lady terrorizing the NICU," he smirks.

Addison opens her mouth to say something but changes her mind. Defeat fills her eyes and she slouches. "Are people really saying I'm that bad?"

"There was something about eating babies."

She stares at Baby Wilson for a minute in silence. "I'm trying. You know?"

"I know," he replies. "You can tell."

She looks up. "You can?"

"You're wearing blue scrubs, aren't you?"

She massages the bridge of her nose. "I'm just… tired. Of everything."

"I know," he repeats.

For just one second they both stand still, staring at the babies. Then Alex makes his excuses and hurries away, leaving Addison to wonder about the exchange.

0ooo0

Prom. Addison spends a ridiculous amount of time getting ready, ridiculous money on her dress, and somehow _still _manages to be the girl alone by the punch bowl. She watches Derek walk away, mumbling something about a patient, but she's not stupid. It's not as if she doesn't notice Meredith walking in the same direction.

She glares at her punch because it's the drink's fault for not being alcoholic.

"Waiting for it to boil?"

Addison whips around as the smirk reaches her ears. "Karev. What can I do for you?" she asks, swallowing subtly, trying to hide her pain.

He frowns. "You okay?"

"Fine… I just… I feel like dancing and my date seems to have disappeared."

Before either of them knows exactly what's happening, he extends his hand and she takes it. While at first they keep an almost comical distance between them, eventually Addison finds that his shoulder is the perfect height for her to rest her chin.

"Okay, so real answer now," he murmurs in her ear. "You okay?"

She studies him, then returns to looking over her shoulder. "He's not coming back, is he?" she asks quietly. "Derek, I mean. He's not coming back."

"He'll come back," he says after awhile.

Her eyes become heavy from exhaustion. "No. He won't."

Alex doesn't know what to do with that.

0ooo0

Addison stands back and admires her handiwork. In the most twisted bit of irony ever, right now, after pinning her husband's mistress' panties to the hospital bulletin board— concrete proof of his infidelity— this moment is the first time since striding into Seattle Grace in all black that she feels a little like the old Addison.

She glances around, making sure that nobody has witnessed her moment of spite, turns on her heel and starts to walk away. Instead of making a clean getaway, she manages to run directly into none other than Alex Karev. "Oh, I-" she stammers. They stare at each other for a moment, his hands still on her waist from trying to steady her. Addison feels her mouth go dry.

Eventually he looks behind her and sees the black underwear tacked to the board. She knows he knows she put it there. He smirks and she thinks that he's going to give her a hard time and reveal her as the spiteful bitch she's worried about becoming.

He looks at the underwear and grins. And then he nods.

Somehow she knows her secret is safe with him.

0ooo0

He finds her drinking at the bar. One look from her lets him know that she is ridiculously hammered. He sits down anyway. "Alex Karev," she slurs, pointing at him. "You're here."

"Yep," he agrees.

"You are always here," she observes. "Always. Whenever I'm lonely and pathetic, _bam_! Alex Karev!"

He chuckles. "Seems like it."

"Are you calling me lonely and pathetic?" She raises an eyebrow.

"No," he denies.

"If I passed out, would that be considered lonely and pathetic?"

"Maybe."

She stops. She rests her elbow on the bar and her chin on her hand and just stares at him. And then suddenly she leans over and kisses him.

Her eyes open slowly as she pulls away. "M'kay, _that _was lonely and pathetic," she admits. "I should go now."

"I'll get you a cab."

0ooo0

They become friends. Alex doesn't know if that's possible because they both have put the lonely and pathetic kiss behind them or if Addison just doesn't remember it at all.

He hands her a vanilla latte—something that has quickly become habit. She smiles and takes a sip. "Thanks."

They pass Meredith and Derek. Alex looks at her worriedly. Usually passing the two will result in a hasty duck into a supply closet or a mini-rant. But today she just looks back at him. "I'm happy for them," she says. "I'm turning over a new leaf."

"Are you having a mental breakdown?" he asks.

"Thanks for the support," she frowns and starts to walk away.

"Addison, come on, that was a joke!"

"Because I can't _possibly _be able to move on. No, I'm just the sad, pathetic, lonely woman in the bar to you!"

"Addison-"

"Go away."

0ooo0

They make up after that fight. They make up after every fight. And there are a lot of fights. But she loves having him as a friend. He's refreshingly honest and never lets her get away with anything.

She smiles when she sees him at the nurses' station. "Dr. Karev!" she calls. "I was going to grab some lunch before surgery. Care to join me?"

He looks up. "Sure." Then he stops and stares. "You changed scrubs," he comments.

"I did," she agrees with a raised eyebrow.

"Is this some symbolic crap about Shepherd?" he asks.

She laughs. "This is about me being able to wear salmon scrubs any time I damn well feel like it."

He comes to stand next to her—too close to be considered appropriate—and gives her the once over. "Very sexy. I always said you looked better in the pink ones."

"Salmon," she corrects absentmindedly. She's preoccupied by just how little space there is between their lips.

In front of everyone, he kisses her. It's not a particularly attention grabbing kiss, but it still practically knocks her off of her feet. "Let's grab lunch," he says when he pulls away.

She nods, running a finger over her bottom lip. He walks towards the cafeteria. She looks around. All movement seems to have stopped in the hallway. "Don't you all have work to be doing?" she asks loudly. The hallway is flooded with sudden activity. Addison smirks.

Oh yes, the bitch is back.

* * *

**So, I hope you liked it. I liked writing it... I would adore hearing from you!**

**-Juli-**


End file.
